He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
