Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
