Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
