I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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