You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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