So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
