I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
