Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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