I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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