So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
