its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
