my mouth tastes like poor choices
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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