at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
