This is the prime rib incident all over again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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