How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
