apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
