he was CRYING into my vagina
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
