I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
