its not stalking. its research.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
