i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
