You really coming over, don't trick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
