I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
