Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
