So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
third nipple confirmed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
