Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
