if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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