i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
