I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
