So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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