Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
