I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
soo... how was my night?
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