i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
