Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
