so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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