just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
