we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
