I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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