I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
