hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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