so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
