even my farts smell like vagina
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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