My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
