Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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