One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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