she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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