Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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