and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
