I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
