is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
