The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Randomize
