well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
