I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
