i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
