then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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