Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
