The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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