oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
