Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
